I was born in Australia to a half German, half Australian Mother and Lithuanian Father and lived in Australia all my life. After a 6 year separation, I was 16 years old at the time, I didn't think that I was anyone other than Australian but when I noticed that Nanna and Pop spoke with an accent, I can remember thinking that,
"Nanna, You're a wog!!...........hey! that makes ME a wog!"
I was shocked! It was a sobering realisation! Nanna explained that Lithuanians were the last pagans in Europe and still to this day, love nature and animals!
The words rang in my soul like an alarm clock sounding! It was then, that I understood why I loved being outdoors and always as a child, found the amazing beauty of nature always dazzled and awed me!
I also discovered that my surname was Kryzius and not Keating, as I had always thought! At the age of 16, I found myself to be a different person to who I thought I was which shocked and intrigued me, all at the same time!This started off a life long journey of discovery who I really was!
I finished year 12 and moved to Sydney for work. I ended up changing my surname back. I can still remember my Nanna saying ,
"now, you're going to have to carry the cross!"
The word, "Kryzius", means cross in Lithuanian and I was thinking crucifix too, but I have since learned that there were many non christian crosses that the pagans used. One of the more well known Lithuanian crosses was the Thunder Cross which is simply a swastika. A lithuanian Fairy Cross is a 5 pointed star! I've always had an attraction to pentagrams! (funny that!). The Sun cross is a simple cross in a circle. So, to find out that my surname was associated with a rich Lithuanian pagan symbol was a great relief and I was proud of this fact!
Little did I know back then that it was only the start of an amazing journey to find myself today. I was a Protestant Christian at the time and was very studious but I was eventually by the guilt of always being a sinner and being named as unacceptable, just for being me. I left the community of the church in search of the truth. I didn't feel damaged and refused to believe it! Christian philosophy gave me a good moral sense of self and an understanding to always treat others as you would want to be treated yourself. Although this taught me how to live in the Christian community, which I live, butI was in search of something higher and deeper, something pre christian but still Judaic, so I started to study the Quabala with hope that I might find the answers that I sought of Christianity.
I studied the philosophy and sacred books of Quabala and practiced ceremonial Quabalistic magic with a small group of people for a few years. It was until the fellow adherents had a difference of opinion.
What I learnt in this tradition was that, within all of us, contains a mini universe, with all the powers, potentials and forces of the universe and so each and every one of us is special and our potential is great.
(I felt like running back to those Christian churches of my past and tell everyone of this revelation but I knew that this good news would not be well received!)
I learnt that connectivity to our own, "Tree of Life" is important to self improvement, enlightenment and soul evolution. Knowledge is part of that cosmic tree and is also known as the abyss, which I fell head first into! As you know, the more you know, the more you know, that there is more to know. I was consumed with knowledge. I can remember being so captivated by all the knowledge held in a theosophical bookstore that I would even walk on peoples feet without realising it, oblivious to the other people. I eventually learned though, that a head full of knowledge is not worth anything unless you put that knowledge into practice for a constructive purpose. I just couldn't be an eternal uni student with no real life experience! I knew that, it couldn't be good for the evolution of my soul because, I have learnt that, the spirit realm has no thought, and so, no intriguing secrets of knowledge. The spirit realm exists beyond knowledge and with which cannot be rationalise! This absence of knowledge in the spirit realm, is a natural law so there's no point questioning it! There are even similarities with the biblical tale of Adam and Eve who partake of the fruit of knowledge which then causes them to be banned from the spiritual realm of the garden of Eden. So I learnt that there are no books that I can read and no courses that I could take to achieve spirituality. I just needed to constantly strive to experience the spirit realm rather than trying to mentally, figure it out.
I learnt transcendental meditation at the age of nine, thanks to my evolved Aunt Irena. I learnt Raja yoga with Brehma Kumaris later in life. Learning meditation taught me how to stop the constant mind chatter, which can be hard for a Gemini. Meditation has taught me to be more focused, a way to direct energy where it's truly needed and inner peace while getting through this hectic life. Through studies with Brahma Kumaris, I learnt that there are 5 types of thoughts which really helped to acheive mental peace simply by identifying what type of thought pre occupied my mind and when.
The 5 types of thoughts as taught by Brahma Kumaris are:
5.Thoughts from the guides.
That makes 5 and I would like to simply explain how I was able to achieve mental peace by understanding this classification.
All the planning thoughts to maintain order and direction in your life are what is called "necessary" thoughts. Worry about what happened last week or what might happen next week are call "Unnecessary" or "wasteful" , thoughts. Positive and negative thoughts can come from others or from yourself so you need to watch your own thoughts and the actions and words of others. You only want positive thoughts to fill your mind! Lastly, thoughts from your guides are self explanatory. When you get a thought to call a particular person who, you find out later, may have really needed your call at that time! How many times have you had a thought to visit someone at their hour of need? These thoughts are not your own but compelling suggestion spoken into your mind by your guides.
I found that just by recognising these different types of thoughts that I was able to stop the endless mind chatter.
I found long lasting mental peace when I realised that I could make a lot of space by realising that the majority of my thoughts were unnecessary.
I also was reminded that I am not really the flesh and blood with a shining spirit, that I may think I am, but in reality, I am a shining spirit who is experiencing flesh and blood. Like a shining star lighting a way in the universe.
I did vision quest which is a North American Indian Shamanic custom in the rainforests of Kangaroo Valley, New South Wales. It was then that I learnt to connect with nature spirits and totems. I studied a little shamanism, European witchcraft, Shinto, hoping to find the Truth but I couldn't find what I was looking for, nothing felt "right". However, I did realise at a fairly young age, that:
great things happen when I let go of mind and control
Through meditation and ritual, I am able to learn to let nature and the universe take the reigns in my life.
Even with all that I had learnt about my true self,
I still felt that something was missing.
My internal flame was stoked and shone brighter with each visit to Lithuania.
The Earth Mother and her nature who supports us,
Sun Mother who helps to grow our crops and who comforts us with warmth after long cold Winter nights.
Father Sky, Brother Moon and Sister Stars etc.
I have laid my spiritual journey bare and how I came to this point. All of my experiences have taught me much. Perhaps others will follow my footsteps or find the same truths in a different way, either way, I have been able to share my story and I hope you found it revealing as I have also throughout my life. I certainly started knowing about Lithuanian Earth customs when I was 16 years old and have now returned back to them as an adult. I am told that the first 50 years of childhood are the hardest but now I feel that I can live now as a ,loved and loving, adult who is well balanced, receptive to the workings of the Earth and the universe. I will always strive to achieve harmony in my life as a priority and the Gods and Goddesses will look after me.
I no longer feel like something is missing!